第三届“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛部分评分要点

1. Mosquitoes have arrived with the warm nights, and our bedchamber is their theater under the stars. I have been up and down all night, swinging at them with a face towel dampened at one end to give it authority. This morning I suffer from the lightheadedness that comes from no sleep—a sort of drunkenness, very good for writing because all sense of responsibility for what the words say is gone. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

要点：theater under the stars不宜翻译成描述性的“星空下的剧场”或“星光下的剧院”，而应译成命名式的“XX剧场”，因美国有若干户外或室内剧场都叫 theater under the stars。

 

2. Yesterday evening my wife showed up with a few yards of netting, and together we knelt and covered the fireplace with an illusion veil. It looks like a bride. (One of our many theories is that mosquitoes come down chimneys.)

 

要点：1、illusion veil 即新娘的头纱或面纱，不宜在illusion一词上穿凿附会；2、theories不宜译成理论，应取《牛津高阶》第7版theory第3义项：an opinion or ides that sb. believes is true but that is not proved（未证明的）意见、看法、推测。

 

3. I bought a couple of adjustable screens at the hardware store on Third Avenue and they are in place in the windows; but the window sashes in this building are so old and irregular that any mosquito except one suffering from elephantiasis has no difficulty walking into the room through the space between sash and screen. (And then there is the even larger opening between upper sash and lower sash when the lower sash is raised to receive the screen—a space that hardly ever occurs to an apartment dweller but must occur to all mosquitoes.)

 

要点：1、此处的 a couple of 应译成“几个”（怀特当时住的那套位于纽约东区48街229号的公寓有6个房间），但译成“两个”也不扣分；2、注意the hardware store前面用的定冠词，特指第三大道那家五金店，不宜译成“一家五金店”；3、注意 window sash、sash and screen、 upper sash and lower sash等译名之规范，以及对窗扇和纱窗状貌的描述是否贴切。

 

4. I also bought a very old air-conditioning machine for twenty-five dollars, a great bargain, and I like this machine. It has almost no effect on the atmosphere of the room, merely chipping the edge off the heat, and it makes a loud grinding noise reminiscent of the subway, so that I can snap off the lights, close my eyes, holding the damp towel at the ready, and imagine, with the first stab, that I am riding in the underground and being pricked by pins wielded by angry girls.

 

要点：译文应表现“我很喜欢（这台破空调）”和“空调几乎不起作用还发出噪声”之间看似矛盾但又逻辑的关系以及原文的幽默口吻——喜欢是因为使人想起挤地铁的“愉快”经历。

 

5. Another theory of mine about the Turtle Bay mosquito is that he is swept into one’s bedroom through the air conditioner, riding the cool indraft as an eagle rides a warm updraft. It is a feeble theory, but a man has to entertain theories if he is to while away the hours of sleeplessness.

 

要点：1、这两句中的theory也应取《牛津高阶》第7版 theory 词条的第3义项：看法、推测；2、feeble不应译成“脆弱”，应取《牛津高阶》第7版 feeble 第2义项中的译例用词：a feeble excuse （站不住脚的借口）。

 

6. I wanted to buy some old-fashioned bug spray, and went to the store for that purpose, but when I asked the clerk for a Flit gun and some Flit, he gave me a queer look, as though wondering where I had been keeping myself all these years. “We got something a lot stronger than that,” he said, producing a can of stuff that contained chlordane and several other unmentionable chemicals. I told him I couldn’t use it because I was hypersensitive to chlordane. “Gets me right in the liver,” I said, throwing a wild glance at him.

 

要点：1、除第二句直接引语用一般现在时外，本段原文用的过去时态，译文不应忽视；2、商品名Flit必须翻译；3、Gets sb. right in his liver的意思是 directly (particularly, specifically) affects (hurt) his liver。

 

7. The mornings are the pleasantest times in the apartment, exhaustion having set in, the sated mosquitoes at rest on ceiling and walls, sleeping it off, the room a swirl of tortured bedclothes and abandoned garments, the vines in their full leafiness filtering the hard light of day, the air conditioner silent at last, like the mosquitoes.

 

要点：1、译文应刻意再现这个长句的静态描写； 2、sleep off: 用睡眠消除（疲劳、头痛等） /sleep off one’s headache (vexation, fatigue, exhaustion...)，原文 sleeping it off 中的it指exhaustion。

 

8. From Third Avenue comes the sound of the mad builders—American cicadas, out in the noonday sun. In the garden the sparrow chants—a desultory second courtship, a subdued passion, in keeping with the great heat, love in summertime, relaxed and languorous.

 

要点：此段中的一般现在时（comes, chants）表示经常性（夏日午时之常态），译文应给予表现。

 

9. I shall miss this apartment when it is gone; we are quitting it come fall, to turn ourselves out to pasture. Every so often I make an attempt to simplify my life, burning my books behind me, selling the occasional chair, discarding the accumulated miscellany. I have noticed, though, that these purifications of mine—to which my wife submits with cautious grace—have usually led to even greater complexity in the long pull, and I have no doubt this one will, too, for I don't trust myself in a situation of this sort and suspect that my first act as an old horse will be to set to work improving the pasture. I may even join a pasture-improvement society.

 

要点：1、译者须知怀特1938年之后在纽约东区和缅因州那座牧场轮换居住的背景，方能真正理解此段之描述；2、译文应正确表达原文中的一般将来时、最近将来时、一般现在时和现在进行时的交替使用。

 

10. The last time I tried to purify myself by fire, I managed to acquire a zoo in the process and am still supporting it and carrying heavy pails of water to the animals, a task that is sometimes beyond my strength.

 

要点：1、purify myself by fire应直译为“用火净化自己”——福音版圣经（Good News Bible）《旧约·撒迦利亚书》第13章第9节云：“耶和华说：‘……我要考验那三分之一的幸存者，要像炼纯银一样用火净化他们（And I will test the third that survives and will purify them as silver is purified by fire.）’”；2、注意I managed ...and am still supporting...前后分句的时态变化。