For the average person happiness
is a choice, yet numerous people are unhappy. There are many reasons, but it
all boils down to one simple principle: They choose something else over
happiness. Because it often takes less effort to be unhappy.
For example, instead of seeking
happiness, they…
·Lazily follow the path
of least resistance. ·Refuse to accept
change. ·Aimlessly try to
control the uncontrollable. ·Etc. etc. etc.
Averting these poor choices and
the negative attitudes that accompany them is the key. The list below will give
you some ideas on how to do just that.
1. Lack
of meaning in one’s day to day life.
Franklin D. Roosevelt once said,
“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of
achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” With the modern 9 to 5 work
schedule it’s so easy to trap yourself into doing what you don’t want to do for
40 hours every week and then mindlessly waste all your free time being lazy.
Sure you have responsibilities. And
no, you won’t be able to do what you want to do every waking minute of your
life. But you almost always have a
choice to do more of what you really want to do – to work on something that
matters to you – something that moves you and gives your life meaning.
You must leave time to follow your
inner curiosity and passion. The
Happiness Project is a great read on this topic.
2. Obsession
with the past or future.
Right now is life. If you dwell
on things that happened in the past, or obsess yourself too much with the
things that might happen in the future, you’ll miss everything.
Focus on the present, not
yesterday or tomorrow. As Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness
closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do
not see the one that has been opened for us.”
Oftentimes we fixate our minds on
the way things can be, should be, or will be someday. But life always takes place in the present.
You never know what the future holds – whether or not you and your loved ones
will still have good health or even be alive. The opportunity to enjoy life is
now. Make time to do so.
3. Feeling
out of shape and unhealthy.
Remember, your health is your
life, and your body is the greatest tool you’ll ever own.
If you are a little overweight, cut
back on some of the fatty foods, get outside and take a two mile walk every
day. Losing extra body fat decreases your health risks, makes you look and feel
better, and generally increases your self-esteem and happiness.
Don’t go on binge diets and crash
exercise regimens. Instead, gradually change the way you eat and live so you
create new health habits that can be sustained for a lifetime. Read The 4-Hour Body for a solid,
entertaining read on getting in shape.
4. Unfavorably
comparing oneself to others.
When you catch yourself comparing
yourself to a colleague, neighbor, friend, or someone famous, stop! Realize
that you are different, with different strengths – strengths these other people
don’t possess. Take a moment to reflect on all the awesome abilities you have
and to be grateful for all the good things in your life.
The problem with many of us is
that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life — a level we
see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a
friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes a while
before you get there, and when you get there, you might have a new destination
in mind.
Instead, appreciate where you are
and what you have right now. Try comparing yourself to those who have less,
those who are dealing with tragedy, and those who are struggling to survive.
Hopefully it opens your eyes to all the things you should be grateful for. PS: Help people who have less if you’re able…
you’ll see why.
5. Focusing
on negatives.
You can’t control everything that
happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative
aspects — whether you’re happy or not depends greatly on which aspects you
focus on. For instance:
Did you catch a head cold? At
least it’s only a temporary virus and nothing life-threatening. Did you lose a basketball game?
Thankfully you got to spend the afternoon with friends doing something fun and
healthy.
Did your stock market savings go
down? It’ll bounce back in the long-term. And besides, it’s great that you’ve
been diligent and fortunate enough to save a nest egg of savings when many
people are barely making ends meet.
You get the idea—almost
everything in life has a positive side, and focusing on these positives injects
happiness into your atmosphere. So stop concentrating on how difficult things
are and why you don’t want to do them. Focus instead on the benefits these
things have and the opportunities they will create for you — the positives.
6. Avoiding
personal accountability.
Either you take accountability
for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to
their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.
You are the only one who can
directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every
person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. You must take accountability
for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a
lifetime of mere existence.
7. Perfectionism
and fear of failure.
If you work hard, do your best
and then condemn yourself for not achieving perfection, you’re sabotaging your
future. Likewise, if your fear of failure, or of not being perfect, has driven
you to take the safe road of doing nothing, you have already failed.
Perfect is the enemy of good. Learn
to accept the good – learn to love things when they are less than ‘perfect.’
If you find yourself at a point
of intense decision making where you’re caught in a spiral of over-analysis and
you’re making no progress, take a deep breath, break the spiral, make an
educated guess on the next logical step, and take it. Even if you get it wrong
you’ve learned something, which is better than doing nothing. Your failures
along the road to your goals are simply opportunities to learn and grow.
Remember, the real world doesn’t
reward perfectionists; it rewards people who get things done.
8. A low
self-esteem.
Don’t belittle yourself and don’t
put up with people who try to belittle you.
Marcus Aurelius once said, “Very
little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way
of thinking.” Boost your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and
celebrating them. Acknowledge your positive qualities, and when you come across
a quality in yourself that you aren’t proud of, don’t sulk in your sorrows,
proactively work on correcting it.
How you view yourself and your
world are conscious choices and habits. The lens you choose to view everything
through determines how you feel about yourself and everything that happens
around you.
9. Financial
debt.
The only way to get out of debt
is to understand why you’re in debt in the first place.
But the sad truth is, if you’re a
spendthrift…
You will not save money when you
get your next raise. You will not save money when your car is paid off. You
will not save money when your kids are supporting themselves someday. And you wouldn’t even save a dime if I handed
you $100,000 in cash right now.
How do I know this?
Because saving money has very
little to do with the amount of money you have. In fact, you will only start to
save money when saving becomes an emotional habit – when you start treating the
money you handle everyday differently. The
Millionaire Next Door is an excellent read on eliminating debt and building
wealth.
In general, live a comfortable
life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life
trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage
your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below
your means.
10. All
work and no play.
Fun is way underrated. With all
of our responsibilities, fun seems like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It
should be a requirement. Ponder what you
did to have fun when you were younger and go do it again. Leave the house messy
and the yard un-mowed for a weekend and get out on the town. When you’re older,
you will remember the fun, not the clean house or yard.
Go to a carnival, play a card
game, shoot darts with a friend, play catch with a kid, etc.
Make time for fun!
11. Neglecting
personal relationships.
The quality of our personal
relationships correlates directly with our overall sense of worth and
happiness. Sometimes in the midst of life’s chaos we forget to do the little
things that remind us we’re part of something greater than ourselves. We need a
certain amount of meaningful contact with other people to feel fully alive.
Make time for people, even if
it’s just a quick meal at lunchtime. It’s worth sacrificing a few minutes here
and there to experience life outside your own inner bubble.
And remember, you don’t need a
certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
12. Procrastination.
Nothing is so draining and
stressful as the eternal presence of an unfinished task.
There are plenty of ways to
sabotage your personal happiness, dreams and desires. Procrastination, however, is the number one
killer. Procrastinators self-destruct. They hinder their own potential by
placing colossal road-blocks along the path to happiness and success. In other
words, they subconsciously choose to fail.
Do you put off doing things that
would bring you closer to your desired goals? I know I do at times. But why are
we so foolish?
It has something to do with how
our daily responsibilities overwhelm us. In the midst of all the important
things we know we need to do, we somehow convince ourselves that none of these
things need to be done right now. In other words, we decide that some peace and
relaxation in the short term is what’s most important.
So we take another break, read
another blog post, watch another TV show and just kick back and relax. And life
is blissfully dandy… for a little while. But then suddenly the inevitable
deadline has arrived. Ahhh! It’s panic time!
By taking the time and initiative
to understand your own reasons for procrastinating and devoting a little energy
to take the necessary steps to move forward, you can beat procrastination. We all can. In fact, simply writing this
article was a testament to this. I kept procrastinating on writing it because I
lacked focus. So I locked myself in my bedroom, eliminated all distractions,
kept the end in mind and started writing. And as usual, starting was the
hardest part. Now I’m done.
Read Eat That Frog for practical advice on conquering procrastination. |
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